Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Thankful & Penitent

I got a job today. It's part-time, but I knew that when I applied & it's only for as long as I'm in college.

It's for the company in charge of cleaning the local schools.

That's why I'm thankful today.

Why do I feel penitent? Well, without getting too specific or invading the privacy of another, I, without thinking, had a hand in making someone I consider a friend feel even worse than he/she did in the first place.

I. Am. An. Ass.

I apologized earlier today, explained why I said what I said, hopefully without sounding like I was making excuses -- which I wasn't -- & begged forgiveness.

What I did was thoughtless, careless, and hateful. It doesn't matter that it was unintentional. I did wrong & I'm deeply sorry.

This incident has caused me to rethink my outlook on life & people.

I hesitate to write a lot about myself.

(Then why do I even HAVE a blog? I ask myself that, too, to the point where I sit with my finger hovering over the 'delete' button.)

I've shared, with whomever cares to read this excuse for a blog, a few things about myself here, but the things that make me ME, those people and incidents that had a part in shaping the man I am today..... Well, I wish I could talk about some of it, but I just can't, for several reasons: (1) It's just too painful, (2) I don't think anyone else would care, & (3) Most folks have their own burdens & I don't want to add to them.

This time I shared what I thought (at the time) & guess what..... I added to a respected friend's burden. He/She need lifted up, & I helped bring him/her lower. I tried commiserating & I blew it.

See what I meant about not knowing what to say? If one doesn't know what to say, one should say NOTHING!

If I'd remembered that, I wouldn't have added to his/her pain.

All I can say now is, I'm sorry.