Friday, September 23, 2005
When me prayers were poorly said
Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me arse was red,
Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee when I could not,
And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum,
Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till I'd fart,
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants I shit ,
When at night her bed did squeak
I raised me head to have a peak
Who yelled at me to go to sleep,
Monday, September 19, 2005
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.
Don't get me wrong, I follow political issues rather closely, but face it, the body politic is being flayed alive by damned near everyone with a blog -- by Conservatives, Liberals, et al., and ya know what? I'm tired.
I'm tired of thinking, and I'm really tired of using common sense every single day!
So my decision has been to become a Democrat. A LIBERAL Democrat. And I think (oops, sorry!) I FEEL that everyone should join me. C'mon, it's easy! Throw off the heavy burden of intellect! Be ye not hindered by Right and Wrong! C'mon everyone, let's all be victims of a corrupt, capitalistic society!
Let me show you how easy it can be with just two rationalizations:
George Bush in particular -- 9/11, Katrina, AIDS, this year's drought, people
eating meat, and the boil that's forming on my ass. It's all Bush's fault! Why?
Because that's the way I FEEL. And if you don't agree with me, then you're
homophobic, racist, bigoted, and you're just not very nice!
2. A large, bureaucrat government can fix ANYTHING -- just look at the effectiveness of gun control, our glorious education system, our complete and total lack of homeless people, etc., etc.
See how easy being a Lib can be? Just don't THINK! Bask in the >cough!< wisdom of Michael Moore! Rejoice in hearing the lyrical, >gack!< voice of the
Rev. Jackson! Join me in singing the praises of Ted Kennedy!
>choke, gag, spew!<
(Ahh, screw it. You know, I can't even joke about that without sicking up on my
Use common sense, people. Stop being Liberal Sheep! THINK, FOR FUCKSAKE!
This tirade was brought to you today by the number Q.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Just How Safe Is...
A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy
took the seat beside him. The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking,biting his nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" said the first guy.
"I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," he answered nervously. "They've got race riots, drugs, and the
highest crime rate in the country..."
"Hold on," said the first. "I've been in L.A all my life, and it's
not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank God. I was worried to death! But if you live there and say it's ok, I'll take your word for it. By the way, what do
you do for a living?"
"Me?" said the first, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
She hasn't been sold to a white slavery ring, she hasn't been trampled to death by leather clad alpacas hopped up on meth, and she definately has NOT been buried in the back yard under the compost heap.
Oh, and I had a birthday in there, too.
There was a time that I played the bodhran (sounds like "bough - drawn" -- yeah, that's close enough), an Irish drum consisting of a shallow wooden frame (averaging 2-1/2 to 4 inches deep), over which is streached an animal hide, typically goat skin. I've played cow skin, deer skin, pig skin, (and yeah, Hydro, calf skin) but goat is definately the best. They come in all sizes, from the 10" one my son received as his first birthday present, to the 18" ones I prefer, to some large enough to be bass drums!
Why do I bring all that up now? Just thought I'd educate those who'd never heard of a bodhran before. That, and I just didn't have anything worth writing about otherwise. I hadn't meant to post anything until I had some good news, but seeing as how it's been for. . . for days now since I last posted, I thought I'd at least let those who care know that I haven't sloughed off this mortal coil.