Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year!

Have a great new year, all, and remember, "Wherever thou art, therein also is the party!"

Friday, December 30, 2005

What The Wife Did.

While sitting at the 'puter this morning, I heard a truck pull up outside. Looking out the window, I noticed a Fed Ex truck parked in front of the driveway. "Can't be anything for us", I thought, and went back to what I was doing. The Wife went to the door, said something to someone, and closed the door. I turned around, and she's holding a box. Reading the side of the box (which is 5" wide and 20" tall), I saw the words "Malachy Kearns", and I knew.

The Wife bought me a new bodhran!

I wept, for the first time in a long time, with joy. I'm not exagerating when I say that holding it for the first time was akin to holding my children for the first time -- it was a rebirth for me.

Those who know me (I mean *really* know me), know that I "went away" early last summer due to some deeply disturbing, emotional and mental garbage that culminated in the untimely demise of my old beloved bodhran (ie, I put my foot through it in a rage). That was what put me "over the edge", knowing that I had just destroyed the one thing (outside my family, of course) that I truly loved. It's been said that the bodhran is the heartbeat of Irish music, and destroying it ripped out my heart as well.

My loving Wife gave me my heart back today.

It's a BEAUTY, too: 18" in diameter, 4-1/2" deep, made with a heavy goatskin hide and a frame of good old Irish beech wood. The finish on the frame is a rich, mahogany and has a Claddagh design tacked on it.

I wish I could show you!

Thank you, Honey, for my drum. I love you, Wife! :'^)

Thursday, December 29, 2005

That's My Girl!

Magoo was singing to herself tonight (again, and again, and again... ). She was singing,

"'Tis the season to be gnarly, falalalala, la la la la"

And no, I don't know where she learned the word, "gnarly". I laughed.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

What the Squawkbox Said.

I was plodding away at my keyboard
(okay, I was playing Zuma online),
and I think the kids were watching The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
(which I highly recomend -- funny. as. hell!)
when I hear the phrase, "The pork tartar was exquisite."

I still giggle when I hear it in my head!

Well, This'll Make Four In A Row

For the last three Christmases, we've been visited by the Flu Fairy. This year isn't any different. The Wife is banning X-mas from the house from this day on.

The Wife took Magoo to the ER last night at 11:05 because she'd been spewing every 15 minutes from 5:00 pm to 11. Then around midnight, Snoofy started projectile vomiting. Thank GOD they know how to hit a bowl!

I brought BabyBoy down to the couch at 1:00 am, in case he started spraying vomitus (praise the Lord, he didn't). However, he didn't go back to sleep until 2:00 am so he's in a REALLY crabby mood right now. (The Wife's putting him to bed again reeaal soon now!)

To conclude, I wasn't able to get to sleep until 4:00 am, was awakened at 7:00, and I'm in a *great* mood myself right now.

I'm going to the video store in a moment, for various and sundery movies for all.

Please pray for us to get better so we can enjoy Christmas!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I F**king KNEW It!


Read the true history behind it here.

Now tell me it's a *real* holiday.

Disrespectful Or Not?

I, like many others, had thought for years that saying and writing "X-mas" instead of "Christmas" was disrespectful. I heard this on the radio today and had to look it up.

Have a Merry X-mas, all!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Disorder In The Court

I forget where I got this, though I suspect Contagion. Thanks dude!

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Contagion just bitch-slapped me with my first meme.


Oh well, I guess it's time to play well with others so here goes: What are 5 weird things about me?

1. Before I blow my nose, I NEED 2 tissues put together, perfectly aligned and folded at the middle. It's a NEED!

2. I like to say things as I belch. My favorite is "HER-BERT!" (that's Baby Boy's favorite, too -- he laughs like a hyena when I do that!)

3. While most men fear baldness, I enjoy it. The Wife *forbids me* from shaving my head, while I think hair is overrated. Hey, when I'm bald, I have no dandruff!

4. I have a biological, as well as an emotional need to fart. No, really.

5. "One size fits most" doesn't fit me.

Okay, now that I've been beotch slapped, it's time to share the pain with five other *lucky* people.
My blog-mama Anethematized1, my blog-grandaddy Grau, LittleJoe, S, and my blog-son at Piano Accordian

Blame Me.

I've lived in Rockford for over 10 years and this is the first time I remember it snowing this much and the snow sticking around for so long.

(We're due [so the weather guy says] for 2 - 4 inches tonight.)

Why, after all these years, is it snowing so much? Because my job requires me to SHOVEL IT!

That's the only reason.

Mother Nature is a be- OTCH!

But really, that's OK, because as of 2pm today, I have a brand-spankin' new snow blower at work,

(No I won't clear your driveway)

that actually WORKS now,

(or your sidewalk)

So Mamma Nature can kiss my en-tire ass!

(I said NO, DAMMIT!)

Monday, December 05, 2005

It's Been A While, I Know.

Let's see, what's goin' on? Oh yeah, It's frrriggin' COLD outside, especially at 5 in the AM. Had to go to work early this morning to clear snow off the walkways at school.

(Nevermind that 90% of the "little darlings" - hereafter called "LDs" - tramp through the snow next to the sidewalks anyway, rendering my shoveling pointless...)

Oh, use the snowblower you say? Funny thing about that: nevermind that the Screwl District still hasn't brought gas for the thing (yeah I had to go back home to get a gas can), on the second pull of the pull starter, the handle came off in my hand.

Yep, fun times.


Anyway, after I calmed down from a rolling boil to a simmer, my first call was to my stupervisor asking, "When can I get a piece of equipment that ISN'T A LUMP OF HORSESHIT!?". My second call was to the Screwl District's facilities department itself. I constantly do end-runs around my stupervisor - that's about the only way I can get crap done, as I'm sure you can understand.

Tomorrow I get to converse with a union rep (they're trying to "orginize": you know, like "crime").

I'm torn actually. On the one hand, I have no benefits - no holiday pay, no insurance, and I'm being paid less than half of what screwl district custodians have made in the past for the exact same amount/type of work. On the other hand, unions (as I've experienced in numerous jobs I've had) are tools of the Liberal Dumbocratic machine, wanting me to pay them for "letting me" work.

So. Whatcha think? Use "the machine" for my own selfish needs? Tell them to piss off? Personally, I'd like them to piss off, but using them to get what I want appeals to me as well.

Oh, what to do......

Nothin' To See Here....

What, you didn't believe me?