Yesterday. . .

Yesterday, I officially left the Clan (no, not the "Klan". Grow the hell up.).
This isn't anything that just happened "all of a sudden", either. I'd been planning on leaving since the petty, stupid, and completely blown-out-of-proportion BULLSHIT that occured at the beginning of the 'vous season. I just found it much easier to do yesterday.

At the first event of the season, some admittedly stupid crap took place. Now, I'm well known for STOOPID crap, but no one *seemed* to take lasting offence at what I did. I'd feel so badly about being too drunk, too stupid et al., that I'd appologize profusely and sincerly, to be told, "It's OK, don't worry about it."

That's what friends do: they like you despite yourself.

I won't get into specifics, but I will say that NO BODY ELSE seemed to have a problem with what happened (as stupid and unthinking as it was) except for a self-appointed *babysitter* who couldn't (A) mind her own business, or (B) come to me and ask "what's going on here?", at which point all would have been explained.

But no; there were *games* to be played, there were rumors to spread, people to humiliate.

Well, I'm through with the bullshit games, and I refuse to play. That's what one person in particular wants - for me to play *the Game*. After getting a hateful e-mail (about something else, unrelated to the Clan), I printed it out, sent the page back via another party, making it clear that "it wasn't worth my time and effort to reply" and blocked the address. I'm NOT. PLAYING. THE GAME. ANYMORE!!! You play it as much as you fucking want to, I'm not playing.

The thing that really hurts, is that I don't know who to go to to explain my side of everything. All my friends are hearing just one side of half the story. Does it matter? Do they recognize what kind of "person" it is that's telling them this one-sided crap and taking it with huge blocks of salt? Or do they say I don't want to hear it?

Why do I care?

Because there are still those in the Clan, and out, that I consider friends, and they are some the few people that I actually care about what they think of me, people who don't see me as a tool to use, only to throw me away when I'm no longer useful.

If that's how you see me, as some kind of selfish, assholish, uncaring TOOL, then Fuck. You.

And that's all I'll say about that.