So You Think That's Funny?

Ya know... I thought I'd hear it from Contagion but instead, I catch it from Ktreva:

The best way to play a bodhran is with a penknife.

Har de har har.

Now I like a good joke as much as the next guy, but come on... that one's just tired.

So here are some new ones:

Fellow walks into a pub in Belfast with a plastic bag under his arms.
The bartender asks "What's that?"
"Six pounds of semtex", he answers.
"Thanks be to Jaysus; I thought it was a bodhrán!"

Then there was the bodhran player who remembered that he had left his bodhrán in his unlocked car. Rushing back, he opened his car door to find two more bodhráns in the back seat.

A bodhran player was sick of the band abusing him, and decided to start his own. He walked into a music shop, planning to buy the first instruments he saw.
"Give me the red saxophone and that accordion!", he said.
The assistant said, "You play the bodhran, don't you?"
"That's right. Why?"
"Well, the fire exinguisher I can sell you - but the radiator stays.

What's the only proper way to play a bodhrán?
With an open penknife.
(There ya go Contagion & Ktreva) ;^)

What do you call a groupie who hangs around annoying session musicians?
A bodhrán player.

What is the difference between a bodhrán player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.
(One of my favorites!)

What do bodhrán players use for birth control?
Their personalities.

How do you know when there is a bodhrán player at your front door ?
The knocking gets faster and faster and faster...
(Another favorite...)

Why do bodhrán players find it difficult to enter a room ?
They never know when to come in.

What's the difference between a bodhrán and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
(and another...)

Bodhrán care is simple... Rub gently with lighter fluid and ignite.

Then of course there was the fiddle player who, while visiting the local pub, was asked for a dollar to help pay for the funeral of a local bodhrán player.
"Here's two dollars;" he says "bury another."

All these (and maybe more to come), courtesy of Bodhran Jokes.

"Wallup!"

Welcome!

Even though I'm probably the last to know, I'd like to welcome (drum roll please....) Maranda of Maranda Under Stress to the blogiverse!

Welcome! :^)

Funny Shtuff!

If you want funny, disturbing, or just friggin' weird, check out Joe Cartoon. You might not want to watch it at work, though......

I highly recommend "Joe Mama" (funny), "Nana Hooter" (disturbing), and anything with gerbils, especially "Donkey Bong" (funny, disturbing, and with a Simon & Garfunkle rip off that cracked me up!).

What The Wife Did (Cont.)

A little while back, I wrote of What The Wife Did for me by surprising me with my new bodhran, and I lamented the fact that I couldn't show you (both) this beautiful drum.

Well, now I can thanks to Contagion (thanks dude!) so here it is!














The head is thick goatskin. Other hides can be used of course; deer, sheep, calf, horse, and even greyhound! Goat tends to be the most desirable though, because of it's thickness and durability.

Personally, I don't think I could play a greyhound skin drum without my leg twitching uncontrollably... and I wouldn't fancy that wet dog smell when I wet the skin with water (like goat smells *good*?).















Here's the frame; 4.5" deep, beechwood with a mahogany finish. You can also see the Claddagh design and the tacks holding the skin onto the frame. Each tack reads "Roundstone", named for the old monastary in Connemara, Co. Galway, Ireland, where the workshop of Malachy Kearns is located.















The back of the drum. There were two crosspieces, but I removed one (as you can see). This allows me to use my left hand more effectively on the back of the skin to apply pressure, thus varying the tone of the drum as I play.















A close up of the label verifying that this is, indeed, a Malachy Kearns bodhran!















Here are the various beaters that I use, depending on the particular sound I'm looking for. Beaters are also called "tippers" or, in Irish, "cipins" (pro. "ki-peens"), which means "tinder" or "stick". The dark one (matching the drum frame) came with the bodhran, as seen in the first photo.

So that's it. Maybe someday, I'll get the chance to play it for ya.

Oh, Gee... Thanks Ktreva...

Okay, I'll stop bitchin' now and just answer the meme that Ktreva of The Reality Ranch just slapped me with (I bitch because I love...)

Four Jobs I've Had:

1. Truck Driver

2. Machine operator in a paint plant

3. Shipping/Receiving in a plumbing supply warehouse

4. School Day Porter (glorified custodian)

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over and Have:

1. Zulu! (Even though it's "history lite", it's a great flick!)

2. Blazing Saddles. ("Where's all the white women at?")

3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail ("Help, help I'm being repressed!")

4. Shaun of the Dead. (Hey, it's got zombies AND British humor!)

Places I've Lived:

1. Roodhouse, IL. (Got me the hell outa there!)

2. Ft. Benning, GA. (Basic Training)

3. Quincy, IL.

4. Rockford, IL. (Get me the hell outa here!)

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch:

1. Law and Order (SVU, CI, and the Original)

2. Miami Ink (my newest addiction)

3. Dirty Jobs (It's nice to know someone has a crappier job than I.)

4. Whose Line Is It, Anyway? (Although the British version is funnier, the American version's good, too.)

Four Places I've Been On Vacation:

1. Springfield, MO. and nearby Wilson's Creek (Civil War battle field)

2. Busch Gardens, Tampa (yeah, when I was Two!)

3. Reelfoot Lake near Union City, TN. (GREAT fishing: bluegill a foot in diameter, and channel cat as long as your leg... I shit you not!)

4. Galena, IL. (Oh, the history... and the wine is fan-freakin'-tastic!)

Four Websites I Visit Daily: (not counting blogs)

1. LiveIreland.com (excellant Irish folk music)

2. Yahoo!Mail

3. Joe Cartoon (though not lately -- there hasn't been anything new for awhile).

4. Yahoo!Games

Four Favorite Foods:

1. Thick, juicy, steaks with baked potatoes (nothin' better.)

2. The Wife's King Ranch Casserole (or that "chicken ranch thingie that you make").

3. cheesecake

4. Guinness: The Beer That Eats Like a Meal!

Four Places I'd Rather Be:

1. Phoenix, AZ. (105 degrees and 1% humidity? Oh, yeah!)

2. The great state of Delaware (low taxes and right near the ocean)

3. In bed.

4. Hell, anywhere but freakin' Rockford!

Four People I'm Passing This On To:

1. My brother-by-choice Chem, at Hypodermic Scorpion,cause if I can find the time, so can you my brother. ;^)

2. Harvey at Bad Example, because I haven't kicked a *big dog* in a long time. :^)

3. Littlejoe, just because...

4. And that'll have to be it, 'cause all the good ones are taken now. ;^)

Kilt-Wearing Teen Story

I thought a teacher at my school was joking when she told me about this story until I looked it up at the following:

http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/www/news/20060107p2g00m0dm004000c.html

Show up to a dance in a burka, or in African robes and you're celebrated for your *Diveerrrsity*; show up in a kilt and you're "a clown". Piss off, principal McClard, until you study up on your own heritage: I'll bet you've got more than a few kilt-wearin' ancestors in your family tree.

Idiot.

Hi Ktreva!

For those few of you who don't know, the lovely and gracious Ktreva now shares her wisdom with the unwashed masses at The Reality Ranch.

Now maybe she can get a word in edgewise! ;^)

I'm In a Sharing Mood.

If you're curious about all-things-Irish (and you'd better be, dammit) then check this out.

http://www.irishpage.com/index.htm

(WARNING: turn the sound off if you don't want to hear the annoying midi.)

It even helps with pronunciation.

Hell, I thought it was cool...

Alright Already!

Okay... geeze... I'm back... though purely for selfish reasons due to this last post by Syn:

"Just how close were you and Chem growing up? Writers block at the same time. Well, here's some incentive, first one of you to post something new gets a copy of the new and updated version of the nurses gone wild video. Post two things and we'll throw in a free nurses gone wild pocket pleasure guide. ACT NOW!!"

Chem of Hypodermic Scorpion (my brother-by-choice) hasn't posted anything for even longer than I, and now it seems that syn's offering a tasty treat for the first one of us to post.

(Only one however -- I'm not in the market for a "pocket pleasure guide". I already know where everything is, thank you very much...) >:^)

Of course, it's highly likely that the joke's on me -- I do NOT want to see sept- and octogenarians (nor anyone else for that matter) getting the diabolical "silver bullet", nor do I want to see old, saggy bossomed *Nurse Cratchets* in action.

Keep in mind, syn, that whatever you send will be shared with both of the people that read this poor excuse of a blog.

Question: I've heard that "syn" stands for "stupid young nurse". Are you sure it's not "sexy young nurse", "sumptuous young nurse", or like that?

Holiday Squabbles

More people are hospitalized during holidays than most other times of the year.

And this could be one reason why...