At the last blogmeet, I was talking to someone (maybe Harvey, could've been T1G) about musical humor. If there's an instrument, there're jokes about it.
I'd forgotten about the comic strip Zookman, done by Mike Tackett for a couple of years starting in 2000. There are 15 episodes, all of which are funny if you have even a slight knowledge of Irish musicians and their (er, our) habits.
A "zook" refers to a Bouzouki, an instrument of Greek origin, much beloved by "special" Irish musicians everywhere.
(Actually, I love the sound of the things; just don't tell anybody!)
Monday, February 27, 2006
Read At Your Own Risk!
My currently blogless blog-mamma, Anathematized1, sent me this link, and against my better judgement, I decided to post it.
Only click on the link if you want to get pissed off, disgusted, and/or if you don't have a full meal in your belly.
Above all don't read it at work or with children in the room.
You've been warned. Proceed at your own risk.
(You know you want to.....)
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html
Only click on the link if you want to get pissed off, disgusted, and/or if you don't have a full meal in your belly.
Above all don't read it at work or with children in the room.
You've been warned. Proceed at your own risk.
(You know you want to.....)
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
A Howlin' Good Time!
Took The Wife to Wolf Park this past weekend in Battle Ground, IN.
It was beyond GREAT! Cold as all hell, but GREAT, nonetheless!
What impressed me the most was the fact that there was no Disneyfication about wolves (which, I admit, I half expected). For example, when a wolf looks longingly and lovingly at your small child, it's not because it thinks the child is a pup to be nurtured by the pack.... It's because he looks like a tasty morsel! That, boys and girls, is because a wolf is a WILD ANIMAL, and should be treated with respect, not as a fluffy house pet!
The wolves are absolutely beautiful. Watching them interact with staff members and each other (and us bloggers, albeit through the fence) was neat.
The staff at Wolf Park are fantastic! Their love, devotion, and commitment to their charges is readily apparent, and their knowledge of wolves and canids in general is boundless. They never seemed to tire of our questions and told many stories about the various wolves that were informative, and often, funny too. The Wife and I can't WAIT to go back! Uh, when it's warmer of course.... ;^)
Now, I can't forget the wonderful folks The Wife and I saw again, and met for the first (but certainly not last) time:
Firstly, Laughing Wolf : Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the wonderful time. We really can't wait to come back and next time, we'll bring the kids; they've inherited the love of wolves (and animals in general) that The Wife and I have.
Contagion & Ktreva: It's always fun around you guys, but really Contagion, get over the shyness.... It's embarrassing.... ;^)
Tammi: You may be a self-professed girlie-girl, but there's nothing fru-fru about you! You're a stitch to hang around with, although you seem to have this strange phobia about loins.... You kept saying "LALALALALALA!" when the subject came up.
You're saying it now, aren't you? ;^)
T1G: I was surprised you knew who I was, before we'd even met! You must be Jeebus! You're coming along, next time there's shootin' to be done, aren'tcha?
Oddybobo: 'Twas a pleasure meeting you! One of the most cheerful people I've ever met, but your knowledge of kimchee (sp), frankly, is frightening. Dang it, now it's something I've got to try along with lutefisk and haggis (though not all at the same time - Blech!)!
Machelle: Although I only saw half of your face the entire time, I really enjoyed meeting you. We didn't get to chat much, regretably, but I figured you're even more bashful than Contagion, so that's OK.... :^)
Bloodspite & Spouse: A Southern gentleman if ever there was one, and with a very charming Better Half. I don't think The Wife ever had a man tip his hat and say, "Pleasure, ma'am." upon introduction. I didn't get to spend alot of time chatting (again, to my regret), but there will be other times, I'm sure.
Harvey & TNT: Always a pleasure seeing you Harvey, and the lovely and gracious TNT! Again, regretfully, I didn't get to spend alot of time with you beyond The Bow upon entering.
Hey, I know my place... Heh...
I'd also like to recommend TC's Restaurant & Tavern in Battle Ground to anyone in the area of the Wolf Park. The service was terrific and the food.... the best around! I suggest the catfish, myself..... MMmmmm.....
*wiping drool* Sorry.
If I've forgotten anybody, please know it's not intentional. Just shoot me a line and I'll correct the unintentional but egregious error on my part.
Maybe.
At some point.
Take care y'all, until we meet again,
Wallup!
It was beyond GREAT! Cold as all hell, but GREAT, nonetheless!
What impressed me the most was the fact that there was no Disneyfication about wolves (which, I admit, I half expected). For example, when a wolf looks longingly and lovingly at your small child, it's not because it thinks the child is a pup to be nurtured by the pack.... It's because he looks like a tasty morsel! That, boys and girls, is because a wolf is a WILD ANIMAL, and should be treated with respect, not as a fluffy house pet!
The wolves are absolutely beautiful. Watching them interact with staff members and each other (and us bloggers, albeit through the fence) was neat.
The staff at Wolf Park are fantastic! Their love, devotion, and commitment to their charges is readily apparent, and their knowledge of wolves and canids in general is boundless. They never seemed to tire of our questions and told many stories about the various wolves that were informative, and often, funny too. The Wife and I can't WAIT to go back! Uh, when it's warmer of course.... ;^)
Now, I can't forget the wonderful folks The Wife and I saw again, and met for the first (but certainly not last) time:
Firstly, Laughing Wolf : Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the wonderful time. We really can't wait to come back and next time, we'll bring the kids; they've inherited the love of wolves (and animals in general) that The Wife and I have.
Contagion & Ktreva: It's always fun around you guys, but really Contagion, get over the shyness.... It's embarrassing.... ;^)
Tammi: You may be a self-professed girlie-girl, but there's nothing fru-fru about you! You're a stitch to hang around with, although you seem to have this strange phobia about loins.... You kept saying "LALALALALALA!" when the subject came up.
You're saying it now, aren't you? ;^)
T1G: I was surprised you knew who I was, before we'd even met! You must be Jeebus! You're coming along, next time there's shootin' to be done, aren'tcha?
Oddybobo: 'Twas a pleasure meeting you! One of the most cheerful people I've ever met, but your knowledge of kimchee (sp), frankly, is frightening. Dang it, now it's something I've got to try along with lutefisk and haggis (though not all at the same time - Blech!)!
Machelle: Although I only saw half of your face the entire time, I really enjoyed meeting you. We didn't get to chat much, regretably, but I figured you're even more bashful than Contagion, so that's OK.... :^)
Bloodspite & Spouse: A Southern gentleman if ever there was one, and with a very charming Better Half. I don't think The Wife ever had a man tip his hat and say, "Pleasure, ma'am." upon introduction. I didn't get to spend alot of time chatting (again, to my regret), but there will be other times, I'm sure.
Harvey & TNT: Always a pleasure seeing you Harvey, and the lovely and gracious TNT! Again, regretfully, I didn't get to spend alot of time with you beyond The Bow upon entering.
Hey, I know my place... Heh...
I'd also like to recommend TC's Restaurant & Tavern in Battle Ground to anyone in the area of the Wolf Park. The service was terrific and the food.... the best around! I suggest the catfish, myself..... MMmmmm.....
*wiping drool* Sorry.
If I've forgotten anybody, please know it's not intentional. Just shoot me a line and I'll correct the unintentional but egregious error on my part.
Maybe.
At some point.
Take care y'all, until we meet again,
Wallup!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
St.Valentine's Day - A History
I say a history, 'cause there are a lot out there about the good St. Valentine. I think this one rings a little more true than others (a little more believable, anyway).
The Origins of St. Valentine's Day
A quick quiz:
St. Valentine was:
a) a priest in the Roman Empire who helped persecuted Christians during the reign of Claudius II, was thrown in jail and later beheaded on Feb. 14.
b) a Catholic bishop of Terni who was beheaded, also during the reign of Claudius II.
c) someone who secretly married couples when marriage was forbidden, or suffered in Africa, or wrote letters to his jailer's daughter, and was probably beheaded.
d) all, some, or possibly none of the above.
If you guessed d), give yourself a box of chocolates. Although the mid-February holiday celebrating love and lovers remains wildly popular, the confusion over its origins led the Catholic Church, in 1969, to drop St. Valentine's Day from the Roman calendar of official, worldwide Catholic feasts. (Those highly sought-after days are reserved for saints with more clear historical record. After all, the saints are real individuals for us to imitate.) Some parishes, however, observe the feast of St. Valentine.
The roots of St. Valentine's Day lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated on Feb. 15. For 800 years the Romans had dedicated this day to the god Lupercus. On Lupercalia, a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and would then keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year.
Pope Gelasius I was, understandably, less than thrilled with this custom. So he changed the lottery to have both young men and women draw the names of saints whom they would then emulate for the year (a change that no doubt disappointed a few young men). Instead of Lupercus, the patron of the feast became Valentine. For Roman men, the day continued to be an occasion to seek the affections of women, and it became a tradition to give out handwritten messages of admiration that included Valentine's name.
There was also a conventional belief in Europe during the Middle Ages that birds chose their partners in the middle of February. Thus the day was dedicated to love, and people observed it by writing love letters and sending small gifts to their beloved. Legend has it that Charles, duke of Orleans, sent the first real Valentine card to his wife in 1415, when he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. (He, however, was not beheaded, and died a half-century later of old age.)
Thanks to AmericanCatholic.org
The Origins of St. Valentine's Day
A quick quiz:
St. Valentine was:
a) a priest in the Roman Empire who helped persecuted Christians during the reign of Claudius II, was thrown in jail and later beheaded on Feb. 14.
b) a Catholic bishop of Terni who was beheaded, also during the reign of Claudius II.
c) someone who secretly married couples when marriage was forbidden, or suffered in Africa, or wrote letters to his jailer's daughter, and was probably beheaded.
d) all, some, or possibly none of the above.
If you guessed d), give yourself a box of chocolates. Although the mid-February holiday celebrating love and lovers remains wildly popular, the confusion over its origins led the Catholic Church, in 1969, to drop St. Valentine's Day from the Roman calendar of official, worldwide Catholic feasts. (Those highly sought-after days are reserved for saints with more clear historical record. After all, the saints are real individuals for us to imitate.) Some parishes, however, observe the feast of St. Valentine.
The roots of St. Valentine's Day lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated on Feb. 15. For 800 years the Romans had dedicated this day to the god Lupercus. On Lupercalia, a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and would then keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year.
Pope Gelasius I was, understandably, less than thrilled with this custom. So he changed the lottery to have both young men and women draw the names of saints whom they would then emulate for the year (a change that no doubt disappointed a few young men). Instead of Lupercus, the patron of the feast became Valentine. For Roman men, the day continued to be an occasion to seek the affections of women, and it became a tradition to give out handwritten messages of admiration that included Valentine's name.
There was also a conventional belief in Europe during the Middle Ages that birds chose their partners in the middle of February. Thus the day was dedicated to love, and people observed it by writing love letters and sending small gifts to their beloved. Legend has it that Charles, duke of Orleans, sent the first real Valentine card to his wife in 1415, when he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. (He, however, was not beheaded, and died a half-century later of old age.)
Thanks to AmericanCatholic.org
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Who's Your Inner Muppet?
Predictable, really......
Well, about the drum-thing, anyway.... ;^)
Well, about the drum-thing, anyway.... ;^)
| You Are Animal |
 A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!" |
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Hey, Muhammad...
It's happened to God Almighty, Buddha, Christ, Abraham, Moses, and the many arms of Vishnu: the vicious, eeevil cartoonist has struck again!!!
What's wrong? No sense of humor?
Ya laughed your arses off looking at comic and offensive pictures and articles of other folks gods, prophets of old, and modern day heroes.
Not laughin' now, are ya?
No, you're back to blowing people up, destroying the property of others, and rioting, demanding the rest of the world be tolerant of YOUR beliefs!
Yes, Islamofacists, arguably the least tolerant of ALL religious fanatics, are demanding that WE be tolerant of THEM, with their road-side bombs, homicide/suicide bombers, and terrorist assassins; the gutless bastards who hide behind holy places, women and children, and hospitals filled with the sick and invalid!
"Religion of Peace" my arse!
I'm nowhere NEAR as eloquent as Ann Coulter, so I'll let you read this article by her.
Wallup, Ann!
Friday, February 03, 2006
As Promised...
I said I'd post more bodhran jokes, and here they are:
What is the difference between a dead bodhran player lying in the road and and a dead rabbit lying in the road?
The rabbit might have been on it's way to a gig.
Is a bodhrán-player a musician?
Is a barnacle a ship?
Why is a bodhran player like a foot massage?
A foot massage bucks up the feet, whereas...
What do you call a bodhrán player with a broken wrist?
A huge improvement.
What have a bodhrán player and a sperm got in common?
One chance in a million of ever becoming a human being!
Collective noun: A skinful of bodhráns.
(Hehehe...)
Best things to do with a bodhrán:
· Set fire to the hoop and make the player jump through it.
· Roll it over a cliff into the ocean.
· Nail soup can lids around the rim and use it as a tambourine.
Define an optimist.
A bodhrán player with a beeper.
How is pre-mature ejaculation like a bodhrán solo?
You know perfectly well what's about to happen, but you can't do a thing about it.
What do you get when you murder a bodhránist with his own beater?
Tipper Gore.
(It's "bodhranii", not "bodhranist", you cretin!)
What's the difference between a bodhran player and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once.
(A favorite.)
Why do men make better bodhran players than women?
Because they have already mastered the wrist movement.
(Yes we have, but a woman who's mastered it is a treasure, indeed!)
What's the difference between a bodhran and an onion?
Most people cry when they cut up an onion.
Customer: I'd like to buy a guitar, please.
Shop Assistant: You're a bodhran player, aren't you?
Customer: How did you know that?
Shop Assistant: This is a fish and chip shop.
Each and every one a gem, courtesy of Bodhran Jokes.
What is the difference between a dead bodhran player lying in the road and and a dead rabbit lying in the road?
The rabbit might have been on it's way to a gig.
Is a bodhrán-player a musician?
Is a barnacle a ship?
Why is a bodhran player like a foot massage?
A foot massage bucks up the feet, whereas...
What do you call a bodhrán player with a broken wrist?
A huge improvement.
What have a bodhrán player and a sperm got in common?
One chance in a million of ever becoming a human being!
Collective noun: A skinful of bodhráns.
(Hehehe...)
Best things to do with a bodhrán:
· Set fire to the hoop and make the player jump through it.
· Roll it over a cliff into the ocean.
· Nail soup can lids around the rim and use it as a tambourine.
Define an optimist.
A bodhrán player with a beeper.
How is pre-mature ejaculation like a bodhrán solo?
You know perfectly well what's about to happen, but you can't do a thing about it.
What do you get when you murder a bodhránist with his own beater?
Tipper Gore.
(It's "bodhranii", not "bodhranist", you cretin!)
What's the difference between a bodhran player and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once.
(A favorite.)
Why do men make better bodhran players than women?
Because they have already mastered the wrist movement.
(Yes we have, but a woman who's mastered it is a treasure, indeed!)
What's the difference between a bodhran and an onion?
Most people cry when they cut up an onion.
Customer: I'd like to buy a guitar, please.
Shop Assistant: You're a bodhran player, aren't you?
Customer: How did you know that?
Shop Assistant: This is a fish and chip shop.
Each and every one a gem, courtesy of Bodhran Jokes.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
AAARGH!!! I. AM. LIVID!!!
Looked in the Rockford Register Star today to see this. How do I find out that the Mickey Mouse company I work for has unionized? I see it in the friggin' paper! No notice from my employer, no heads-up from my stuporvisor, NO VOTE for fooksake but I READ IT IN THE PAPER!!!
Hellllooo, Socialists!
Hellllooo, Socialists!
Thanks For That, Virtue!
Virtue, at The Rantings of an Indentured Servant , absolutely made my day with her Jan. 23 post of "Wes would be proud of me..."!
For reasons I'll go into later tonight, after the kids are in bed, I had one helluva crappy day. So, I come home, flip on the 'puter and see that I have a comment from Virtue!
This has never happened before, ohmygawdwhat'swrong, is she okay, did someone die, etc.
Firstly, she's almost finished sewing my shirt (long story... in which she shall be eternally teased), but most importantly, she bought her very first bodhran!
Virtue is the first (and only, at this point) person I ever taught to play the bodhran...
(NO, not with an open penknife! Get out of my head Contagion/Ktreva!)
... and nevermind what she says about her talent ...
(about playing the bodhran -- jeeze everyone out of the gutter now!)
... she is a good bodhranii. (that's bodhran with an /ee/ sound after -- the proper name for a bodhran player -- no, it's not "rythymless asshole", so Get Bent!)
Sorry, the voices again...
Anywho, she knows that 1/3 of being a good bodhranii is knowing when NOT to play, 1/3 is knowing HOW to play -- how to hold the cipin ("faggy hand"), how to hold the drum, what the different rythyms are in Irish/Scottish music, etc.-- and the final 1/3 is knowing WHEN to play.
So many drum bangers don't know any of that, simple as the concepts seem.
Roll on, Virtue! Thanks for putting the silver lining on my grey-assed cloud of a day.
BTW, I've always been proud of ya; now I have yet another reason to be. :^)
For reasons I'll go into later tonight, after the kids are in bed, I had one helluva crappy day. So, I come home, flip on the 'puter and see that I have a comment from Virtue!
This has never happened before, ohmygawdwhat'swrong, is she okay, did someone die, etc.
Firstly, she's almost finished sewing my shirt (long story... in which she shall be eternally teased), but most importantly, she bought her very first bodhran!
Virtue is the first (and only, at this point) person I ever taught to play the bodhran...
(NO, not with an open penknife! Get out of my head Contagion/Ktreva!)
... and nevermind what she says about her talent ...
(about playing the bodhran -- jeeze everyone out of the gutter now!)
... she is a good bodhranii. (that's bodhran with an /ee/ sound after -- the proper name for a bodhran player -- no, it's not "rythymless asshole", so Get Bent!)
Sorry, the voices again...
Anywho, she knows that 1/3 of being a good bodhranii is knowing when NOT to play, 1/3 is knowing HOW to play -- how to hold the cipin ("faggy hand"), how to hold the drum, what the different rythyms are in Irish/Scottish music, etc.-- and the final 1/3 is knowing WHEN to play.
So many drum bangers don't know any of that, simple as the concepts seem.
Roll on, Virtue! Thanks for putting the silver lining on my grey-assed cloud of a day.
BTW, I've always been proud of ya; now I have yet another reason to be. :^)
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
As Ripped Off From LittleJoe
Well, sorta... I got it from The Mechanical Contrivium, I just can't get it to look as *pretty* as LittleJoe did...
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Wes!
1. It's bad luck to whistle near Wes.
2. All swans in England belong to Wes.
3. Pacman was originally called Wesman.
4. The liquid inside Wes can be used as a substitute for blood plasma!
5. Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing Wes.
6. Scientists believe that Wes began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas..
7. If you chew gum while peeling Wes then it will stop you from crying.
8. You should always open Wes at least an hour before drinking him.
9. The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Wes.
10. A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are individually known as Wes.
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Wes!
1. It's bad luck to whistle near Wes.
2. All swans in England belong to Wes.
3. Pacman was originally called Wesman.
4. The liquid inside Wes can be used as a substitute for blood plasma!
5. Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing Wes.
6. Scientists believe that Wes began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas..
7. If you chew gum while peeling Wes then it will stop you from crying.
8. You should always open Wes at least an hour before drinking him.
9. The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Wes.
10. A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are individually known as Wes.
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